My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
