look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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