I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
