How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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