It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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