Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
