All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
