do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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