She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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