Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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