I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
