He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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