i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
