would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
two words: eviction party
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Come on in and take your pants off
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