your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
