I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
