Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
