i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
