she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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