he wants to bone in the snuggie
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
