Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
