I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
