The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
