You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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