Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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