and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
