My hand turned me down
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
