i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
