Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
