I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
