The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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