I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
