i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
