im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
