hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I deserve this hangover.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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