I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
