I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
