You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
