i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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