It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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