I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
