Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
