Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize