i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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