don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
