Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
