News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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