Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
