He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
