careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
