Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
