I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
